The obligation to write

I’ve never liked statistics, and I think the feeling is mutual. I never liked it because it is never on my side, very much like the stats that is showing on my blog:

29 posts in September 2013
18 posts in October 2013
12 posts in November 2013
9 posts in December 2013
4 posts in January 2014

They say statistics never lie. That’s a fair statement, I reckon. Except that at times, it doesn’t give a very good reflection of the actual situation too. Either that or I’m really bad at finding excuses. For myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I STILL enjoy writing very much. And whether anyone reads them, that’s a whole different story altogether. Granted, some of the posts in September were from my archive when I first started this blog. And the real fact is, I sprinted at the starting line, only to find my rhythm somewhere midway. At the beginning, a post every 2 days sounded lazy and irresponsible. Now, 1 or 2 posts a week seemed reasonable and on-track.

It took me quite a while to realize that if, all you could think of after waking up is “what should I post today?”, then writing becomes an obligation and a mental liability. It becomes less enjoyable and even desperate at times. It made me want to rush things off so that I could sit down and start writing. In those instances, I realized it actually took me much longer to finish a post. All that writing and deleting and rewriting took up a lot more time than it is required.

And discipline is also something that I suck at. BIG TIME. My fear of commitment is also a stumbling block — “3 posts a week” or “a new post every Monday” both sound like a promise to ‘pass up homework on time’ and in my world, those promises are MEANT to be broken. I flourish when the tide is “free and easy”, happy and go lucky. That very moment I find an inspiration, that particular few minutes of purging thoughts, is exactly when I can complete a post in 10 minutes.

So, my beloved readers, please bear with me while I embark further on this journey called writing. I am deeply humbled to have each and every one of you coming on board and checking out my blog once in a while, shed a tear or two or even laughing out loud (silently or otherwise) when reading. And if you don’t see any new posts for an unusually long period of time, don’t be surprised. I appreciate each and every one of your “Are you there?” or “What’s up?” or “Have you stopped blogging?” messages. It’s just that, I’m just me.

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